Greek Tragedy in Milwaukee

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The end of our season? Most probably. Photo: Morry Gash/AP (via Yahoo! Sports).

Giancarlo Stanton hit in the face by a Mike Fiers pitch and taken out of the field in a stretcher; likely done for the season.

A bench-clearing brawl. Mike Redmond and Casey McGehee are ejected, only cementing their places in our perpetual memories. Anthony DeSclafani is also tossed after hitting Carlos Gómez a while later.

The umpires, for the umpteenth time in recent memory, end up ruining everything.

My tweep Marques McCoy summarized our current state in less than 140 characters.

You know, I’d like to see the proverbial Deus ex Machina rule in our favor for a change instead of throwing us to the wolves every single time.

Cheap Beer Immunity

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This is only the beginning… Photo: Mike McGinnis (via FishStripes).

  • Giancarlo Cruz-Michael Stanton smashes his 37th dinger of the season, tying Dan Uggla for the all-time Marlins record: 300 points.
  • Marcell Ozuna and Garrett Jones slam back-to-back roundtrippers in the 2nd inning: 200 points.
  • The Feesh thrash Yovani Gallardo (L, 8-9) while Brad Penny (W, 2-1) allows just two runs in six innings despite tightroping through most of his outing: Priceless.

There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MasterCard (TM). And games like these show you why the Marlins have their tastebuds reserved for nothing but the finest spirits -Veuve Clicquot at the very least-.

Full Speed Ahead!

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Hi, I’m Jarred Cosart and you can’t hit me, no matter how hard you try. Photo: Marlins’ Instagram.

Everything went right last night for the Feesh, as they gave the Atlanta Braves a good, old-fashioned dose of obliteration by an 11-3 score.

The offense collected a season-high 18 knocks. Every starter got on base at least once. Marcell Ozuna paced the efforts with a four-hit game and the same number of RBIs; he barely missed a Grand Slam in the 8th. Justin Bour almost hit his first career HR. Tits McGehee and Giancarlo Cruz-Michael Stanton did the usual, opening the scoring and then padding the run cushion. Heck, even Salty and Hech chipped in with RBI singles of their own. All things considered, it was a splendid display of the Machine-Gun Offense model.

At this point, Aaron Harang (L, 10-10) must still be wondering where are those sign-stealing cameras at Marlins Park -hint: there are none, you just suck as a pitcher-, as the home team knocked him out of play after just 3 2/3 innings (10 H, 6 ER). Meanwhile, Jarred Cosart delivered more of the same with another quality performance (7 2/3 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 1 BB, 6 SO). Even Freddie Freeman -who’s batting below .100 against the Feesh in 2014- breaking his streak of 207 consecutive batters without allowing a longball wasn’t enough to take him out of focus.

Absurdity Galore!

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Hi, I’m Henderson Álvarez and I wasn’t the main story on today’s craptastic display of baseball. Photo: Steve Mitchell/USA Today (via FishStripes).

There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MasterCard (TM). This was probably the most absurd, senseless, funny and erratic game of 2014 in the majors or any other top-tier baseball league. You’ll see blooper reels of those plays for years to come. But at least we landed on our feet.

We Got Robbed

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Couldn’t agree more with you, Mike Redmond. I tip my cap to you.

Here’s the video of the play, in case you want to see for yourself what the hell happened.

Are you happy, Buster Posey?

Are you happy, Joe Torre?

Are you happy, MLB management?

We’re most certainly not, because the game we know and love is being killed right in front of our eyes. And it’s all your goddamn fault!!

The Surrogate Mother of All Comebacks

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Never count the Feesh out of any game. The specters of 2013 are long gone. Photo: Marlins’ Official Instagram Account.

  • Nathan Eovaldi struggled from the get-go, allowing six runs -five of them earned- in 5 1/3 frames: 0 points.
  • Mike Dunn wins his team-best 8th game of the year after hurling a scoreless 9th inning : 100 points.
  • The Marlins pull an ace from their sleeves, score four runs in the 9th, make Rafael Soriano (L, 2-1) blow the save and beat Washington 7-6 after trailing 6-0: Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MasterCard. This comeback was totally thrilling, only second to the biggest in Marlins history: a 14-7 win against Arizona on July 10, 2009 after trailing 7-0.